Bigfoot

For years, we have heard scattered reports of enormous, hairy, and extremely solitary humanoids living in the hills and hiding behind rocks. These 'Bigfoot' (or is it Bigfeet?) have been capturing the imaginations of the imaginative for as long as we all can remember, but those of us with a spark of rationality in our skeptical brains have scoffed quietly at each mention.

Well, I, for one, am flabbergasted to hear of and read reports that a dead sasquatch has been found, and worse, stuffed into a cooler. I can only imagine two scenarios that would fit this set of facts: Either the cooler was extremely large (we're talking mobile refrigeration unit, the kind that is towed behind a truck and used as a field refrigerator for army operations), or this was a very small specimen of Bigfoot (which theory would tend to be supported by DNA evidence [possum, anyone?]).

I think we would be remiss to dismiss any possibility without proof, even of the existence of a huge, snobbish forest-dwellers. Aside from putting us in the awkward position of having to prove a negative, it would also destroy the romance of examining blurry photos of nondescript subjects, and listening to the wild accounts of the crazies we'd be discrediting.

And frankly, it's all so entertaining!

I'm all for Dave

I have been following the highly publicized presidential race as closely as my stomach will allow. I have not been supporting either of the two usual candidates of late, though I have been favoring John McKane by a slim margin (he has sent the most campain propaganda to my house, thus convincing me of the seriousness of his candidacy). I mostly spend my time making fun of their down-right contradictory television campaigns. I really had no clear idea form whom I would vote.

However, I recently stumbled upon a candidate, who, though not in the public spotlight (thanks largely to a flagrant media bias against middle-aged white males) is highly favored by several private polls to win the presidential election. He's a man that any patriot would be proud to salute as Commander-in-Chief, with extensive experience in the areas of foreign affairs and political retoric. He has wooed the American people so tenderly with his amazing wit, and won their hearts with his poetic patronization! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, YOUR presidential candidate: Mister Daaave Baaaaarry!

Sorry about the all the fanfare; I just imagined myself on the podium at some polical gathering, announcing my candidate of choice. I cannot imagine a better blend of intelligence, humor, and diplomacy, and I can't wait to see a debate between Dave and one of the other candidates. He'd cream them, of course, so badly that they'd retreat from the race like the proverbial moth in the rain.

So, join me in support of the most qualified candidate out there. We'll all sleep better with Dave in the White House. Join me in saying 'I'm all for Dave!'